Learning to Listen Can Change Your Life

I listen for a living. Over the years, I've developed my ability to listen into what people say and - sometimes more importantly - what they don't say. My ability to listen closely to my clients is a big part of how I help them get the results they seek.

Really listening to what people say has changed my life in many ways. Over time, I've witnessed many unique experiences, feelings, and thoughts behind a person’s individual perspective. This has strengthened my compassion and broadened my world-view.

Today, I'd like to explore the art of listening and how it can change your life for the better. 

Learning to Listen Can Change Your Life

Listening is central to creating relationship. When you deeply listen to what someone says, they feel cared about and understood. People who feel cared about and understood will undoubtably change your life for the better. However, the real impact of listening is how it changes you.

During our lifetime, we hit a million instances of misunderstanding. In fact, most of us spend a lot of time feeling misunderstood. Regardless of how much each of us might try, it's virtually impossible to easily navigate the myriad of perspectives contained in each person with total understanding. 

This is why it feels so good when we come across someone who is willing to really listen to us. When a person listens to what we say, they show us they care. They demonstrate their desire to know what we think and feel. They want to understand. Their willingness to be present to our thoughts and feelings encourages our loyalty. The payoff is that we're much more likely to go to bat for someone who has worked hard to understand what we're all about.

But, truth be told, there is a greater benefit to listening well. When we learn to listen, we stop - or at the very least decrease - the amount of misunderstanding there is in the world. The simple act of listening contributes to everyone's overall sense of connectedness and wellbeing. Here's how this happens -

We learn to see other points of view:
Each of us live in a bit of a bubble. Even the most reflective of us spend the majority of our time reinforcing our established beliefs. If we do not try to see things through other people’s eyes, well, we just don’t. In the best case scenario, this entrenchment in our own perspective leads to misunderstanding. In the worse case scenario, this mode of myopic thinking contributes to things like hate-crimes and wars. Yet, our ability to see other people’s points of view can have powerful and lasting effects. It can inspire innovation and change the course of cultures. 

We develop our ability to empathize:
To "walk a mile in someone else’s shoes" is a standard piece of wisdom for a really good reason. While seeing another’s point of view can be helpful for creating intellectual understanding, empathizing helps us feel into the emotional factors that guide other's beliefs. Empathy forms a “human” bond. It allows us to disagree and still relate to other person's emotional experience. This increases our desire to find solutions that benefit both parties. 

We stop the cycle of reaction:
When we chose not to listen, understand or empathize, we're likely to get caught up in reactivity. In these moments, we will inevitably disagree or get triggered by another person's actions. If we don't stop to listen or try to promote mutual understanding, we're likely to react to what is being said versus responding to it. This makes matters exponentially worse. Listening helps us break the cycle of reaction and creates new outcomes. 

We see our limitations:
If we have enough ego-resilience, we can deal with being wrong and we recognize that we are limited – just like everyone else is. Listening to others and suspending our judgments can help us recognize our own limitations and support us to grow and change in positive ways. The very first limitation that listening is likely to reveal is our need to be right. In order to listen well we need to put aside this need. Instead, we must chose to truly hear what the other person is saying.

https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/learning-to-listen-can-change-your-life

We see our contributions to misunderstanding:
We often unconsciously do things that perpetuate misunderstanding Our default patterns can go unnoticed if we don't listen to other people’s perception of us. By deeply listening to others, we can start to see how we have contributed to the challenges at hand.

So, if you want to change the world, you can start by getting quiet and listening to the people around you. Begin to let what others say and how they say it challenge or even change your limited ways of being in the world. And, by doing this, you may open up the potential for all of us to co-exist more peacefully.

Zig Ziglar, Strategies For Success Intro, Part 1

HOW TO ASK WITHOUT BLAMING

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” (Rumi)

One of the most common sources of conflict among people is in the way we communicate. Oftentimes, conflicts do not arise because of the diversity of opinions and beliefs. Diversity is necessary for thought exchange and ultimate growth.

The true source of conflict, rather, is in the way we express our opinions and communicate disagreement. A blaming, sometimes even aggressive tone of voice can seep into our language, which invites confrontation instead of collaboration, and conveys a closed “my way or no way” kind of approach.

Here are three useful instruments that helped me to refine my communication skills and build bridges of mutual understanding with others when conflicts arise.

1.Be curious about others’ intentions

A major source of conflict comes from the fact that we tend to evaluate our own actions based on our intentions, yet judge others based on their actions, without knowing their intentions.

For instance, when I fear I might have offended someone with my words, my immediate reaction would be to explain myself and make it clear my true intention was not to hurt anyone: ”I am sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like that. My point is that…"

However, when I didn’t like what I heard in a sensitive conversation, I used to jump immediately into a defensive or even aggressive posture, without even trying to understand more about what others wanted to tell me.

Blaming other people for the way I feel, act or think is disempowering. I can’t control what anyone says, but I am fully in charge of my emotions. No one can make me feel anything. No one can upset me, stress me or depress me unless I allow it.

Whenever I find myself feeling frustrated or angry during difficult conversations, I have educated myself to take a long, deep breath. That helps me stay grounded and manage the way I feel.

Secondly, I learned how to ask questions with the genuine curiosity of a child. I want to know more about the story behind the words: the circumstances, the impact on the people involved, their intentions, and so on.

Here are some of my favourite questions that help me do that:
• How did this happen?
• Can you tell me more about it?
• What can we do to sort this out?

People can only be responsible for what they say, not for what I understand. And no one is a mind reader.

2. The power of “what”

Let me ask you one and the same question, in two different ways. Say I’m disturbed by your words. I could choose to either reply by “Why are you saying that?” or I could ask, ”What makes you say that?” Can you feel the difference between the two questions? Don’t you feel like the “Why” question sounds more accusatory than the other?

The way we formulate our questions is essential. The day I learned how to ask questions using the word “what” instead of “why,” I could already feel a positive difference in the way I was building relationships in my personal life and career.

When asked “why,” people tend to feel blamed. As a consequence, they either shut up entirely or get into a defensive mode, trying to justify themselves. Meanwhile, the “what” questions invite towards an open discussion and transparent communication. They help bring more balance, harmony and peace during sensitive conversations.

3. The importance of listening

High-quality coaching is all about asking powerful, thought-provoking questions, but also a lot about listening. Before starting to work as a coach, I used to be very self-absorbed and eager to take the space in conversations. The truth is that I used to listen in order for me to reply, instead of being fully present for others with mind, body, and soul, so as to try to understand their perspectives and points of view.

https://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/how-to-ask-without-blaming

Sometimes, the only thing we have to do in a situation that might look like a conflict or disagreement is to hear what other people have to say with genuine care, curiosity, compassion, and attention. I came to understand that in a world where most people love to talk about themselves, being able to listen to another person is a form of love.

Tony Robbins 5 Steps to Take Control of Your Life Now Part 1

You Need Life Insurance: Don't Drop it To Save Money

Saving money for your family means going over the expenses, your income, and every financial detail of your life with a fine-tooth comb. It’s not easy, and it’s probably going to cause you a little anxiety as you delve into places your money is going, how much you waste, and how much you need to save for the future. When you go over your expenses and decide it’s time to save money, don’t be like the thousands of people who assume they’re fine dropping their life insurance policies. It’s unwise, and financial experts advise against forgoing life insurance. 

You Need Life Insurance

You do need life insurance if you have a family. If something happens to you and your income is lost, can your family survive? If you are the primary breadwinner in the family, you must carry life insurance. Even if you don’t bring in any money for your family, you do provide a role. Do you have kids? If you stay home with them so your family doesn’t pay for school, day-care, after-school care, or babysitters while you work, you’re saving your family a lot of money every month. 

If something happened to you, who would care for your kids while your spouse is at work? Can your spouse afford to send your kids to school or day-care or camp while he or she works? You might not provide financial income to the family, but you do provide very important financial help to the family despite not receiving a pay check every other week or so. 

Financial experts also remind consumers it’s not easy to get a good life insurance policy the older you good. If you decide to drop the policy you’ve carried for years, you’re never getting it back. The next one you get might be far more expensive, far less beneficial, and nothing like the one you have now. It’s easier to get good insurance for a good rate when you’re young and healthy. Are you still young and healthy? Think about that when you decide you’re saving money by ditching your life insurance policy. 

How to Save Money on Life Insurance

If you really need to cut the bills in half or more, you need to consider a bundled policy. Get online or start making calls for car insurance quotes that also bundle your home and life insurance policies. Bundle discounts are available for those who choose to carry all their policies in the same place, and that’s a big savings each year. 

Additionally, if you make the decision to pay your premium upfront rather than monthly, you save a monthly fee as well as an automatic payment fee, and you get a discount for being a good customer. Talk to your insurance agent about the many ways you can save money on your insurance. Many of them are surprising, but that doesn’t mean they’re unwelcome. 

Savings are nice, and sometimes all you have to do is ask about it. You can compare insurance quotes until you find the policy that best fits your needs and your financial situation, and that’s how you save. You might find your current company is desperate to keep you, and they’ll offer more substantial discounts if they feel you might leave. 

Life insurance is the way your family survives when you are gone. It’s the kind of subject you never want to discuss, but it’s the kind of subject you must discuss. You can’t avoid this topic of conversation, and you certainly don’t want your family strapped financially and potentially change their entire lifestyle as they are dealing with losing you. 

Protect yourself and your family with a good life insurance policy. You need it, and your family needs it. It seems like a waste since you’re not really using it, but it’s one of the best investments you’ll ever make. Don’t cancel it no matter how badly you need to save money. https://www.amazines.com/Self_Improvement/article_detail.cfm/6258718?articleid=6258718

Billionaire Dan Pena's Ultimate Advice for Students & Young People - HOW TO SUCCEED IN LIFE

Increasing Your Income 1000% Formula

What makes a leader stand out?

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way.” – John C Maxwell

‘L’ for Leadership is not a position; it is not an authority, it is not power. Then what is leadership? It is a vision, a vision that aims at making a difference and creating a way to put that vision into action. No great leader is born. A great leader is made, over time.
Leadership is a result of tireless efforts towards the achievement of a goal. The goal that a leader sees is aimed at the betterment of the community and not just the self. If the goal were aimed at personal success, she would not be a leader, but an achiever. Some distinct qualities make a leader stand out from the rest. In this article, let us look at those qualities.

A Leader Has a Vision

A leader has a vision. A vision that is extraordinary. All great leaders are driven by the dream they have. The people who believe that they can change the world are the ones who do. When a leader has a vision, she creates a way to get that vision achieved and communicates her idea to the world.

And why do people believe in his vision? It is because there’s something unique about it. Unique in an appealing way. Something that is so compelling that everybody else just wants to follow the path shown by him. And that makes her what she is, a leader.

She has Self-Believes in Himself

A leader not only has great vision but strongly believes in it. She knows what she’s doing is right and that she will be successful in the end. It is this conviction with which she carries his dream forward that makes him different.

And his belief is contagious. It makes others trust him and support him in what he is doing. His trust in himself attracts followers towards him and makes him lead them.

His Goals Are Constructive

No leader ever dreams of destruction. A leader’s goals are always constructive, productive and positive. His ultimate aim is either the betterment of an organization, a solution to a serious issue or the progress of humanity in general.

Why would anybody look up to a person if all that he wanted to do was plant time bombs here and there and see people dying? People become followers of a leader because they know that his ambition is constructive and they want to be a part of it.

He Takes the Road Less Taken

With the extraordinary aim that he wishes to achieve, comes great risk. The risk of failure, the risk of breaking down halfway, the risk of letting his followers down, the risk of not being able to reach the finish line.

However, he is never afraid to take risks. He knows what lies beyond the risk. The reward. He believes in challenging the limitations and still moving ahead. 

He Values His Team

One of the biggest traits of a leader is that he values his men more than anything else. He would not move a step ahead even if one of his followers isn’t ready. He is always there for his people, ready to listen to their problems, and give effective solutions to solve them.
A true leader always lifts the spirits of his people, inspires them to do good and believes in working as a team. A manager says, “Go.” A leader says, “Let’s go.” A leader works with his team and still stands out. 

He is an Exceptional Orator

This is yet another quality that every leader possesses. He knows that words have power and uses the magic of words to motivate his followers. There is no power like oratory. Antony’s public speaking skills made Romans run for the revenge of Caesar’s death. All he did was convince people through his powerful speech.

A leader uses his power of speech to encourage, inspire and motivate his followers. When reaching the goal seems tougher, it is the stirring words that work wonders. Leaders can lift the spirits of their people by their oratory.

Many leaders even hire a motivational speaking coach to improve their oratory skills.

He Is Exemplary

What does a leader do as he moves in the direction of his goals? He leaves a trail of messages, and footprints of good deeds. Though a leader would never dream of it, he sets an example for people.

People aim to be like their leaders and achieve the extraordinary. The examples set be leaders are a legacy. People follow a leader’s footprints for years, decades and centuries. His vision, the path taken by him, the actions done by him and his belief that helps him achieve his goals is exemplary.

Conclusion

Leaders become powerful not because they do great things. They become powerful because they inspire others to do great things. People love their leaders not because they lead them towards better. They love them because they sit and work with them until they become better. A leader is someone ordinary who dares to do something extraordinary. And that’s how he stands out.

The Secret Of Achieving A Scattered Dream

Many of you want to be successful and have the fame, and recognition that comes with it.

However, an ongoing dream fatigues by knocking you down after seeing minimal or no results.

“Why bother?”

You might ask.

It’ll be nice to achieve that one thing in life, but you will not succeed by being indecisive and changing paths all the time. 

Figuring out your goal will give you breath in life. Work for a goal that is a complete expression of who you are. Your true self.

For instance, writing allows me to be who I am. Writing is an expression of me. Writing gives me joy.

Reach for a goal by being restless, first. Achieve it through strong reasons.

Start by keeping your purpose a secret. Show them instead of talking about it. Work day in and day out by becoming a doer and not a talker.

Demonstrate to the world you can, silently. Let the secret unveil itself when it surfaces.

Your life’s purpose will be known. You’ll feel it. It is something felt. I don’t know how you’ll find yours, but I felt in love with writing after waking up each morning knowing I found it.

The best thing I can say to you is, “Do not change your purpose after discovering it.”

You’ll know because your goal will inspire a little mystery in your head. Curiosity is the key to success. 

It will motivate you to work. Forbidden things in life pull us in. Your goal should do the same.

It should make you want to figure your goal out.
Big goals are meant to be figured out.

That is why you should have one. This is the reason we pursue them.

I am curious in figuring out how to inspire through writing. That’s big.

After achieving success I know It will change the quality of living for my family. How? It’s a mystery I want to find out.

And I cannot give up on them, they depend on me.

I follow Jeff Goins blog and his writing goals changed his family’s quality of living and economy. He replaced his wife’s income easily. Through his hard work.

Being an inspiring writer is my purpose. I know I will become one because I said it.

This writing journey is challenging and figuring out how to be a great writer is a quest.

I am not a liar. Most blog writers give up after 6 months.

After 3 years of attempting to grow a blog it’s taking time to get subscribers.

The only thing I can trust is time. Time is my ally.

In life I have won many awards and medals. I been number one in many areas in my life but, I haven’t figure out how to be an exceptional writer yet.

The want to be a writer for the world. 

I write because I yearn to hear these beautiful words,

“Your book has inspired me to change.”

And I know constant writing will get me published one day.

I am working restlessly days and nights to write. I sit silently in my little broken down office and write. No one knows this except you reader. 

As an inspiring writer & psychologist it’s my purpose to inspire people through words. I love words because they impact people’s lives. It fulfills me. And writing gives me that freedom.

I know this for a fact. To become a writer you must write.
And I have a strong belief and feeling this will come true. 

The only thing I can do is to keep going and you should too in what ever it is you want to achieve.

Be patient. Long term success yields when you’re willing.

Learn to go forward and do not lose direction. This grows your faithhttps://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/the-secret-of-achieving-a-scattered-dream.

Do not look to your left or right, but keep your eyes steady for what is in ahead of you.

Keep going even if you see no or minimal results.

I still write and feel inspired after seeing minimal results from time to time about my blog. I know I will become a professional writer sooner than later.